There are many cases I have seen, read about, witnessed, told of women who have been in abusive marriages or relationships but any effort to rescue them  are barely fruitful, and when somehow they get to leave or are maybe forced out by those that care, they still find a way to go back to the same abusive husband. Stories of women who have been beaten pulp even admitted in hospitals but will always fake the reasons why they are bruised or have a broken arm or are having a black eye in an attempt to cover up for the one who abused them. Stories of women who have been emotionally abused that they are depressed stressed, paranoid from a constant mental roller coast. Stories of women who have been abused enough that they have absolutely no say over their own lives and if the husband said today don’t breath, they would stop breathing. These are very disheartening situations that a lot of women are in and it has become the normal that they know.

“It is not easy to just walk out.” This is a statement we know too well and have heard women who are in unfavorable marital situations utter and it is as true as it is. IT IS VERY HARD FOR ANY WOMAN WHO HAS BEEN UNDER ABUSE FOR A LONG TIME TO JUST WALK AWAY FROM THE ABUSIVE SPOUSE. Many times we say it is because the woman has no income or because of the kids but we still have women who even earn more than the husbands fall victims of this. They have a good job, they can take care of themselves yet they just can’t find a way to seek safety from the jaws of abuse. Like I mentioned in my article on mental slavery, there is more to it than it meets the eye. A majority of the women can’t seek safety and will keep on exposing themselves to the abuses because of the mental/psychological slavery that comes with constant exposure to abuse. This is explained better by what psychologists call Stockholm syndrome. When the lives of victims depend on the action of their assailants, the emotional reactions of some victims turn into gratitude. Similarly, in many contemporary families the victims, feeling hopeless, develop positive feelings toward the abuser or controller, rationalize to accept such behaviour, react negatively to family or friends who try to rescue them, and have difficulty freeing themselves from this emotional trap. They get conditioned to believe the abuser actually loves them it is just other factors that make them abuse them and in many cases they attribute these factors to themselves and other things outside of the abuser.

So today I will briefly talk about a few steps a woman can take to free herself psychologically from the captivity of the abuser and start working on a way to seek safety.


Many abused women develop a perception that their abusers are actually doing them a favor by simply being with them. For example,she will be cheated on and utter things like “As long as I remain to be the wife” in which case she believes the man has done her a great favor making her a wife that the emotional pain of being cheated on is just a price she has to pay. By changing your perception you learn that marriage should not be a rescue mission for you. It is an agreement between you and your spouse to come together and form a family and nobody is doing a favor to the other rather you both are just coming together to fulfill certain core needs that each one of you have. That way you realize you actually don’t have to live in pain in a situation where you are also of use to your spouse. If he is not appreciating you as the spouse then what really is keeping you around?


After changing your perception of the whole thing, your brain starts opening up to options of how to make your situation better. One thing with psychological slavery is that it blocks our minds from working out solutions to our pains and makes us resolve to fate. Many women are living lives having resolved to fate and they have no clue what bliss is. They have been made to believe endurance is the only way of life and their minds have been paralyzed that they can’t work out solutions to their abuse and have to keep living at the mercy of the abuser. Once your mind starts opening up, the next thing you realize is just how damaged you have been over the years and just how much you have lost yourself. This will be the first time you see the shell that you have become. At this point, SEEK COUNSELING. Counseling is a very important step in trying to heal from the pains. It is important to note that while you are seeking counseling, do not be still under the abusive ways of your spouse. You should have sought safety. Either temporary move out or seek help from people (law, relatives, authorities) to ensure the abuse is no longer happening. Healing can never happen if you are still exposed to the same abuse no matter how many counseling sessions you attend. It will be like pulling out thorns while you keep stepping on more thorns.


In counseling is where you will be walked through all the positive stress coping mechanisms that work magic in setting you free, healing your mind and souls and building back your confidence. These include crying the pains out, writing them down, of course talking to someone whenever you feel the need to and in this case the counselor allows you to call him/her in case you need to talk away from the sessions.


Abused people have VERY LOW SELF ESTEEM and they have a very negative perception of themselves. They tend to think of themselves as ugly, losers, undeserving of better treatment and all the negative words you can think of. And unless they work on rebuilding their self-esteem and self confidence, there is likelihood even counseling may not rescue them and they might still end up back in the hands of the abuser because they still believe that is the only person that can accept to be with them. Dress up better in cloths that affirm your confidence. Constantly remind yourself how beautiful you are. Your brain will eventually start believing this new affirmation. Eat healthy and stay in a shape that gives you confidence. Exercise more and watch or read materials that are positive. Keep your body and soul in a healthy state. If you are a Christian or whatever religion, stay in touch with your God. Remember, GOD DOESN’T WANT YOU SUFFERING. God only wants you happy and be grateful for the opportunity to be happy again.


My final step for today will be working on your own financial stability if you aren’t working. If you are, you will realize even your performance at work starts improving which will obviously give you a great sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. Abuse reduces the functionality and productivity of an individual that they can’t think or function better at work. And this is why many abused people who own businesses end up with collapsed business because their minds have been blocked from progressive thinking or reasoning.


Like I always say, enduring abuse can only be a DANGEROUS game for you and your kids. Nothing positive comes out of it. You might give yourself the Status of “married” and have your kids grow up with a present father but the psychological trauma that those kids have to grow up with will affect their future lives forever in a very negative way and the trauma caused to you psychologically and otherwise also affects you extremely in a negative way. Kids are better off with a single parent but in a safe healthy environment that with both parents but in an abusive toxic and unhealthy environment. Always remember that.










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