“How do I set myself free from this hellhole of abuse?”
I know this is the question you all want answered.
I could talk about trauma bonding all day, all year, but they will just be words.
I can explain what narcissism is, what trauma bonding is and make you see what a pickle you could be in, but without real steps to actual healing, this can only be compared to beating a dead horse.
I will get you nowhere.
Think of the state you are in right now.
What if I was to tell you a year from today you will still be in the same state or worse?
I am sure that is the last thing you want to hear. Every abused person today is living with the hope that a year from today they will be happier, less abused and leading a different life.
The painful truth is if you have been exposed to abuse over a relatively long period of time, you could be trauma bonded. No doubt this is highly working against you being able to set yourself free or even imagining a life outside this pain you have grown to know as your normal. So, unless you take this bold step and ACT, chances are a year from today you will be in an even worse situation.
This article here is to make sure you make the first step towards a future where your life is abuse free.
But before I get to that, let’s have a little recap on the cunning way the narcissist makes sure you are addicted and emotionally bonded to them that you just can’t imagine the world any other way.
Emotional rollercoaster is how I like to put it.
A narcissist is no fool.
They have their actions well calculated. They will abuse you, treat you all bad but they know just when to be loving and kind and caring. They send your brain chemical raging high and low and it is no surprise that victims get confused.
Is it love?
Is it abuse?
It is a cycle they master how to play on you and theirs can be a game of a cat and a half dead mouse, them being the cat, you the half dead mouse.
They try to bring you to life with little cramps of love and just when you are about to be up and on your feet they give you a knock down. You go back to being helpless, vulnerable, beat up, weak…and it is a vicious cycle.
That being said, let’s look at the first MOST IMPORTANT step to your freedom.
I’m going to be a little blunt today. Sometimes it is needed. I have realized many times beating around the bush only ends more people trapped in the victim mentality and that can only work against your goals.
You need to be brutally honest with yourself.
If I was to come and ask you right now “how are you?” I’m pretty sure your answer will be “I am fine.” What if I followed up with “how are you really?”?
I imagine a pose, followed by an almost irritable or nervous “I’m fine.”
Because deep down you are not being honest with your actual feelings, with how you actually are.
So, the first, most important step to a journey of real and lasting healing and freedom from abuse by a narcissist is being BRUTALLY HONEST with your feelings.
Many victims of narcissistic abuse are so brainwashed that they can’t even admit they are abused.
You won’t believe just how many abused people out here are busy talking of how loved they are, posting on social media how great the loves of their lives are, basically a sign that they are afraid to face their real feelings and their realities. And this isn’t getting them anywhere, most importantly, it isn’t helping them heal.
You need to acknowledge the pain you are in. There is no shame in it. Shame should be with those taking you through this pain. Acknowledge your actual feelings.
“How are you?”
“I feel hurt. I feel like crying. I am pained. I feel abused. I feel taken for granted. I feel angry.”
Be brutally honest with yourself.
You need to face the truth.
Feel the fear
Have a radical acceptance of your situation. Stop painting a picture opposite of your actual reality. This will take you in no positive direction. It can only bury you deeper in your grave of pity and misery.
I know, I know, it is hard to start adopting a completely different world view from the normal you have known for years. But it is worth taking that first step.
Once you have acknowledged your pain and faced the truth that is your reality you can now embark on other steps of action that will be sure to put you on a journey or healing, self-rediscovery and reclaiming yourself!
AS ALWAYS, STAY SANE AND SAFE
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BY JACKIE WANGWE