Family is the atom that forms the compound that is the society we live in.

Now,

We live in a society that has clustered itself up.

And these clusters aren’t in harmony with each other at all.

And I’m not talking about the financial or social status clusters here.

I am talking about the state of families that are making up our society.

I like to put is simple; we either have functional, healthy families or dysfunctional unhealthy ones.

Now, DO NOT quote me wrong here. I am perfectly aware that no family can be 100% functional and healthy and no family can be 100% dysfunctional. No one individual is 100% dysfunctional and no one is 100% functional.

We are humans.

But if the unhealthy state of a family or an individual is going to end up straining the emotional, physical, psychological, mental, sexual, financial/economical even jeopardize the identity of a member of the family then that is a cause for concern…from all of us, whether your family is functional and healthy or not, you need to be able to say something about it.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where people ( Both healthy and unhealthy) prefer to just be blind to every dysfunction and unhealthy patterns happening in families…to paint an image that is more appealing to look at by the larger society.

So what happens?

Those caught up in unhealthy, dysfunctional families or marriages become loud. Not confronting the issues, mostly looking for belonging, the feeling of knowing that you are not hurting alone, that there are multitudes that are going through the same hell hall, even worse. Misery loves company right? It is even better when we know someone is having is rougher than us, right?

Doesn’t apply to everyone though.

Then we have those having a good time in their homes. Those having a family whose foundation is love, respect, care for one another, loyalty, trust…those having it good. They stay silent and enjoy their lives in private…sometimes J  (calling it sticking to their lanes, minding their own biz…). They look at the pain of others from a distance. They won’t say a word. They won’t do a thing. They can’t relate.

Again, doesn’t apply to all.

What is my point?

In one way or the other, our ignorance is what is coming out louder.

We are barely confronting the issues that are killing our society, we are simply walking around them as they eat our core. It is not surprising to see a family full of people with certain character traits over three or four generations down because what we are doing is actively feeding the links that keep the toxic cycles alive through our ignorance.

Then we want to talk about curses. “The boys in that family are cursed that is why they all have sired kids out of their marriages.” Isn’t this what we say? Superstitions and unfortunately (sorry to say this) religion have impaired our thinking and our existence is basically dependent on the mercy of the unknown.

Unbecoming!

This week has been especially terrible. I have read some terrible stories happening to innocent people, kids…it is just so draining to face the reality of the state of the world we live in. I have tried as much as possible to intentionally stay away from social media and from watching news because I realized just how negatively affected I was getting from all the stories because to a larger percentage, I can relate.

However, this morning I came across a post and I thought why not throw in my two cents on the subject.

A post of a man that was sexually abused from a tender age of 5 years by women that should have been his protection. As a result, he grew up into an adult that has slept with over 70 women, is HIV positive and has not been able to be faithful to his wife.

Reading that post I honestly couldn’t help but feel really bad for little 5 year old boy that was forced to grow up into an adult that has been a risk to himself, the women that dared to ever have a relationship with him, his wife and potentially his own kids.

Notice how that chain of pain and trauma has been kept alive?

It started with one child being abused and traumatized and ended with that child growing up to be a perpetrator of acts that have possible traumatized and hurt over 70 women, his wife and his kids.

Should we feel bad for the gentleman for what he went through as a child and avoid the fact that he has grown up to hurt even more people and put the lives of others at risk especially his wife and kids?

Should we feel bad for his wife who has had to live with the trauma of entertaining an immoral cheating husband who even brought HIV home?

Should we feel bad for all the other over 70 women that have been his prey over the years and some of them may possibly have been put at risk of or even infected with HIV?

Should we feel bad for the kids this traumatized man and his wife are raising for heaven knows chances of them growing up damaged are high?

Or should we feel bad for other women that are likely to become this man’s victims during his cheating escapades?

Should we excuse people for the hurt they cause others (in this man’s case, over 70 women, his wife, and his kids) because they were traumatized too as kids? Should we feel worse for him than we would those that have ended up as his victims?

Here is my take:

Trauma to one child results in trauma to the society. An abused or traumatized child grows up to be abusive and ends up traumatizing a spouse or even their own children, those children grow up traumatized and keep that vicious cycle alive, it becomes a completely dangerous and messed up world to exist in.

Here is the thing,

We need to start recognizing the dysfunctions and traumas we grew up in, seek help so that we don’t extend that pain to the next person. As much as it is a pity this man went through all that, it is a greater pity that he has literally extend that pain to the wife and 70 other women and his own kids. Imagine how pained the wife is being married to a man that can’t be faithful and even could possibly have brought home the HIV. Imagine the toxicity the kids are in being raised by two pained and traumatized parents. Imagine how those kids will turn out as adults. Imagine what their spouses will have to deal with…I’m telling you instead of seeking pity, WE JUST NEED TO BREAK THE CYCLE.

BY JACKIE WANGWE

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Categories: Psychology

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