HOW EXACTLY DO I GET OVER MY PAST?

A story is repeatedly told f a man who sat under a tree to get away from the sun and the tree was home to hundreds of pigeons. The pigeons constantly pooped on him. This man was always miserable about the pigeons pooping on him. Until one day he got up and walked away from the pigeon pooping tree, never to return. He later learned that not all trees are filled with pooping pigeons. Many trees provide shade from the hot summer sun without covering you with poop. He began sitting under a different tree and he lived happily ever after. J

See, sometimes we seek shelter under pigeon pooping trees without knowing that there are pigeons nesting on it. Sometimes we see the nests and we ignore. Sometimes we walk into circumstances that are likely to cover us with pigeon poop knowingly or unknowingly. Sometimes we just seek shelter under a tree that is just conducive enough for the pigeons to perch. Regardless of the circumstances that land us under the tree that is home to hundreds of pooping pigeons, we are still gonna get pissed and stressed over the constant droppings from the pigeons. Nobody feels good knowing that the same tree that they trusted would give them shelter turned out to be the very tree that leaves poop on them We are gonna get pissed at it.

Like the man from the told story, for you to be happy, you gotta make that decision to get away from the pigeon pooping tree and seek shelter under a different tree that does not have pigeons nesting on it. A tree that will give you shelter without covering you with poop. There are many instances in our real lives that may resemble the situation of the man in the story. We many times walk into the lives of others or allow others to walk into our lives expecting shelter and love but we end up covered in poop because they are just home to many things and they are giving shelter to many who are likely to leave you dirty and pained and miserable. Take an example of a woman that walks into the life of a man that is a cheat. Or vice versa. This is a man that is playing Santa for a million other women and here is a woman looking for love, convinced that this man will give her love falls under his shelter. The truth is, this is a man that will make her life miserable because the women he is hosting are just poop in the whole situation that is supposed to be love. Dirtying  and basically making the staying situation a depressive one. The only way the woman is gonna feel happy is when under a tree that does not have a lot of pooping pigeons, that is a man that shelters only her love.

However there is one thing that people do when they decide to walk away from the pigeon pooping tree. They forget to clean off the poop before they settle under a cleaner tree. Now, that is bound to frustrate you even the more. Here you are sitting under a tree that is clean, no droppings from pigeons yet your whole body is covered in poop. You are bound to smell even more. You are bound to feel even dirtier. You are bound to feel even more miserable. The longer the poop stays on you the smellier you get. The more unbearable your condition becomes. You might even feel the need to move away from the clean tree thinking it is the one smelling yet the smell is coming from you. The tree is clean.

This is the situation with many people. We understand that we experience traumatizing pain in our lives and we feel dirty and unworthy from the traumas we have gone through. We feel like life is unfair and that misery is just our second name. We question the universe, question ourselves and question even those that are willing to provide a clean shade for us and end up losing every great opportunity the universe throws at us. We need to learn ways of letting go and cleaning up from the mess of the past to be able to enjoy the cleanliness of the present. We have to clean up the poop from the previous tree to be able to enjoy the shade from the current tree. But just how do we do that? That is what we will talk about today.

You need to know first of all that it is okay to feel the pain and it is okay to feel the anger. But know that it is NOT OKAY to hold on to pain and anger.

First thing you need to purpose and do is make the decision to actually let go. Tell yourself that you want and need to let go. Repeat to yourself so that your brain registers that you actually have to let go. That is a great first step to letting go and cleaning up so that you can be able to enjoy your present new better life. Many people have walked away from unfavorable circumstances and people with hope of feeling better but they end up feeling more miserable because they carry with them the pains and regrets and humiliation from the past. They have not made the decision to actually let go. That is what we all need to do. Make the decision that you want to let go.\

Second thing that is very important for you to do is to express your pain. Express your pain in a healthy way. There are many healthy ways that one can express their pain. And there are many unhealthy ways also that one can express their pain. Make sure the way you choose to express your pain is a healthy way. One healthy way is to actually cry it out. Talk to someone preferable a counselor or psychologist. You can journal/write down your feelings, just a way that best suits you but it is a healthy one. This enables getting the pain of the past from the system and you will realize you feel a little lighter. Maybe we shall talk about healthy ways to express our pains in future and the unhealthy ways that we should avoid to use in expressing our pains.

Third thing that is very important is to stop playing victim. Playing victim my dear ones will not help anything. If anything, it will only plunge you in a more helpless and depressing state. You can’t afford to be helpless when trying to let go. The essence of letting go is actually regaining power over your own life. You can’t regain power over your life while you play victim. NO. You have to stop the pity parties and blame games and take up some responsibility in whatever happened and know that you have power over your own life. The more you keep playing victim of your tormentors the more their actions keep hurting you and the more you lose your power to them. Reclaim your power over your own life by refusing to be a victim.

The forth thing that is equally paramount in this journey is focusing on the present. I mean, look at you now. Aren’t you better than before? Aren’t you in a better state of mind than before? Chances are you are. Leaving a crappy situation and seeking comfort in a cleaner place is always the best thing to do. Now that you are in a better place, focus on your grown and progress as per now. Focus on the Now. Forget about the past; think less of the future just focus on what brings you joy and happiness NOW. That way you gonna open up great doors for a better future for yourself. Your future is embedded in what you focus on TODAY.

The fifth thing that should never be missed is forgiveness. Forgive all those that ever caused you trauma. Forgive them and set them free from your heart. Holding grudges and revenge wishes is a very dangerous thing to do when you are trying to get over your past. You have to set yourself free. Forgiveness guarantees us that freedom and gives us the ability to heal and become better. Always remember, forgiveness is rarely for the forgiven. Forgiveness is always for you. For your freedom. Whether they have asked for it or not, just be sure to forgive them. Set yourself free of the burden of carrying grudges in your heart.

And then darling, find closure. Find closure to everything that happened in the past. Lock the doors and throw away the keys. Closure is an important aspect of this process. We will discuss how to get closure later on for it is a subject that also needs a bit of detailed touch.

Last but not least, MOVE ON. Move on and do not look back Move on with your head held high. Move on upholding your dignity. Move on to better things. Do not be afraid to make the step that demands a new chapter. Moving on means opening a new chapter and writing a better life story. Take charge of your life. Remember you have the power over it. Make use of the fact that all of us have been given powers to direct the course of our lives and nobody has the ability to take that away from us unless we give the go ahead to do so.

NEVER GIVE ANYBODY TOO MUCH POWER OVER YOUR OWN LIFE. DIRECT THE COURSE OF YOUR LIFE IN THE DESIRED DIRECTION.

 

 

BY JACKIE WANGWE

 

 

 

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