CHILDREN THAT GROW UP IN ABUSIVE HOMES

 

“I’m one of those children and at 60, it still haunts me.”- Anonymous

Words that any child or adult that has had to grow up in an abusive home can relate to more than anyone else could care to understand.

Words that if every parent out there really listened to, and took their time to think about, we could help save a lot of children the trauma, especially the trauma of living their adult lives with memories that taunt and haunt and spike anxiety

Words that if taken seriously, and those hearing or reading them could actually see the real humans behind them, the real humans that have had to actually live their lives witnessing violence as kids, being a part of the violence, experiencing it on a psychological, mental, emotional even physical level, we could be making REAL steps towards rescuing kids from the trauma.

Forget this “Pray for our kids” Jibber jabbers

REAL steps towards rescuing kids.

I just can’t stress enough how much I as an individual have had to deal with a lot of emotional, psychological, mental even physical problems as a  result of having been that child.

And I will admit, I still do have some struggles with it even though I have had to seek help. Even though I know there are great men out there. For some reason, I’m just afraid that I might not be as lucky. My biggest fear is actually being abused by a man. Which is a bit paranoid I must admit. Given that I know not all men are abusive and I have met some really great and well raised men. But for the longest time, my mind was wired that way. It takes time to unwire and rewire up a mind. It is a process and I’m sure I will get there.

But as I do, how about I use my life to help rescue more innocent souls that are likely to end up like me?

Statistics say that 1 out of 5 children that grow up in abusive homes end up being victims of abuse themselves. (Note, here I won’t touch on those that end up identifying with the abuser and become abusers themselves.)

Again, if only we looked past the word statistics and saw the real faces, the real humans behind those numbers. Maybe we could understand it better.

I will admit that I have been a victim of abusive relationships before. I have been abused emotionally, psychologically, financially, mentally, sexually…I would say I’m lucky I was never hit but how does that make anything better? It doesn’t.

That makes me one of those real faces behind the statistics. So you know they are not just numbers. There are real people behind those numbers.

What is the link between a child that grows up in an abusive home and them ending up as victims of abuse themselves? You would ask.

Well, as I have mentioned in my previous articles, when abuse is the normal life you know from your childhood, that is the kind of life you are likely to attract as normal and you are unlikely to pull out of a situation that is headed the abusive way or is abusive because one, you consider it as normal, two, you just don’t know how to stand up for yourself and pull out. No one taught you that you could stand up for yourself and say NO when you don’t feel right or walk away when it is harmful. All they taught you was that you stick it through no matter how much it hurts. That is just normal. That is the way of being a good woman. A good woman doesn’t quit when it doesn’t feel right. She instead sticks by and prays and hopes that one day she will be treated better.

That day rarely comes.

It almost never comes.

Unless the perpetrator sees the need and seeks PROFFESSIONAL help and purposes to change.

Or if it ever comes, it will be when they are old and tired and the kids are grown and moved out living out their traumas.

If anything, it gets worse and all you have to do is learn to live with it. Which is what most women in abusive relationships and marriages are doing. Oblivious of the traumas all this is leaving on their kids. Oblivious of the traumas all this is having on them.

Does the fact you have accepted that being abused is a part of your life change the fact that you are still hurt by it? NO. Does it in any way save everyone involved, the kids and the abused the consequences that come with an abusive or violent home? NO.

It is like saying a terminally ill cancer patient feels less pain just because they have accepted that they have cancer and it is terminal and they have to live with it. The fact that they have accepted their condition and are living with it doesn’t make the cancer any better. And it doesn’t save them from the end result of it all. It doesn’t relieve the pain that comes with cancer.

Unfortunately, there is nothing they can do about cancer when it is terminal.

But there is something we can do when we are in abusive relationships or marriages. How about we acted and did something to ensure we are no longer exposed to the abuse therefore our kids are no longer exposed to the same?

Like stand up and actually ACT. Do something.

If we saved kids from the trauma of growing up in abusive or violent homes, I BELIEVE we will have less abusive people in our society.

I BELIEVE we will have less people that tolerate abuse in our society.

I BELIEVE more and more people will have a chance to have happier childhood memories to look back to as adults

We will have saner and happier people in general.

I believe we will raise better generations to come.

STAY SANE FOLKS

STAY BLESSED

WITH LOTS OF LOVE,

JACKIE WANGWE

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